Commissioners’ Corner: Barreling into the Playoffs


Earl E. Bird has two teams guaranteed to be in the Top 3: Bocc’ Don’t Kill My Vibe and Tonsil Bocce. Deboccery cannot fall out of the Top 5. Daddy’s Balls is the only team with a realistic shot of taking Deboccery’s Top 3 spot, but they’ll need to go 2-0 and make up a significant point differential (or go 2-0 and a top 3 team go 0-2). That final Top 5 spot will fought over by Boccekawowwow (who might have locked it up if they showed up last week), Menace II Bocce, and Itchy & Bocce. Wowwow can potentially lose a game and still claim the fifth spot, while the other two have to win out and hope for the best.
Freaks in the Night is an orgy of teams shooting for the Top 3: Sssssnakes are one win ahead of Bocce Has a Great Personality, Hot Cheetos and Bocce, and Tripping Balls. Stranger Danger needs to get back to winning ways to hold onto a Top 5 spot. Malortron is there to pounce if Stranger Danger do slip up and Mr. Boccedere keeps hanging around and has a shout if the others let em get close.


There is action coming all over the BocceDome this Monday. Grab a drink and watch balls bang into each other. Here’s the blow-by-blow on what to keep an eye out for.
6:15 Deboccery vs. Menace II Bocce / Itchy & Bocce vs. Bocc’ Don’t Kill My Vibe
Menace II Bocce and Itchy & Bocce best chance to the playoffs hinges on winning out this week and each face a Top 3 team right away.
6:45 Boccekawowwow vs. Menace II Bocce
Whether MIIB wins or not in their first game, they need to take this one to have any kind of shot.
7:15 Boccekawowwow vs. Deboccery
Isn’t this fun? There is no doubt that both teams will have every motivation to win this game. Should be a blast. Look for it on Matt’s court.
8:00 Bocc’ Don’t Kill My Vibe vs. Tonsil Bocce
These two own the best records in the league going into the final week of the regular season. Who wants the regular season crown the most?
8:30 Tripping Balls vs. Snakes on a Lane / Malortron vs. Hot Cheetos and Bocce
A win for Tripping Balls guarantees their spot in the Top 3 and puts the #1 spot open to the field. Malortron needs both this week to stay relevant and a loss for Hot Cheetos creates a make-or-break game two for them.
9:00 Wispy Danglers vs. Hot Cheetos / Mr. Boccedere vs. Joanie <3’s Bocce Ballers
The Danglers have the opportunity to be agents of chaos and this is their first chance to throw a wrench in the wheels of playoff hopefuls. Mr. Boccedere needs this one to stay in the mix.
9:30 Stranger Danger vs. Sssssnakes
There’s no doubt this game will count for something. Sssssnakes will be fighting for seeding and the Strangers will be fighting for inclusion.
10:00 Mr. Boccedere vs. Gr8 Personality / del Bocce Vista vs. Tripping Balls
There’s a decent chance that Boccedere can approach this game with a chance to sneak into the Top 5 and that Gr8 Personality will be challenging for the top spot. Tripping Balls may be playing for the #1 seed as well. Not del Bocce Vista, though. They’re just here to fuck shit up.



With an unexpected and un-Tonsil-like (missing 4 players!) victory over Daddy’s Balls on Monday, Tonsil Bocce locked up their second straight trip to the postseason and undoubtedly their best regular season showing in team history. Probably best known for the team our blog staffers write too much about, Tonsil Bocce has never been considered a formidable threat to win the playoffs—until now. Dan Brown has found the cure for his first-ball-blues and monosyllabic mainstays Dre and Snow have become one of the best 1-2 punches in the league.

Malortron’s Transformer-ation

Malortron must’ve gotten sick of that same ol’ story. The artists formerly known as ‘Jorts’ had a reputation of rolling out a very impressive regular season and baiting me into doubling down on the past season’s bet and picking them to win the ‘ship. Then they’d lose. Then I’d lose. Then we’d all drink shots. This season has had a much different feel. After a winless two and a half weeks Malortron was all-but-statistically eliminated. Now they have a legitimate chance and stealing a wild-card spot. If Malortron upends Hot Cheetos in Game 1 next week, there is a decent possibility that the boys-with-colorful-sleeves could see Frenemy Daniel “#thatssodaniel” Morrow in an epic wild-card round in the playoffs.

Barely NaeNae

Bocceme Nae Nae definitely takes home the “as close to a good team without actually being a good team” award this season. Last time around, Donatella Verbocce made headlines by suffering three straight 1-pt losses. This season it feels like every one of Nae Nae’s losses has been by a single point. While the playoffs aren’t quite in the cards for these tough-as-nails gal pals (you can give me a Hot Shot for that one!), look for them to make serious noise in upcoming seasons.



  • Craig ‘White Mamba” Glover – Snakes on a Lane 9/2
  • Matt ‘Monty’ Montgomery – Bocce Has a Great Personality 6/1
  • Daniel “#thatssodaniel” Morrow – Tripping Balls – 6/1
  • Scott Sanville – Daddy’s Balls 8/1
  • Monica Siggelkov – Bocce Has a Great Personality 8/1
  • Sarah Fanto – Deboccery 10/1
  • Michael “Snow” Snow – Tonsil Bocce 12/1
  • Dan Brown – Tonsil Bocce 15/1

Rookie of the Year

  • Kurt Lewis – Itchy and Bocce 4/1
  • Ben “technically he’s a rookie” Tudor – Bocc’ Don’t Kill My Vibe – 5/1
  • Jake Peterson – Oxtail’s Army – 9/1

Most Improved Player 

  • Dan Brown – Tonsil Bocce 7/2
  • Dana Gudel – Stranger Danger 6/1
  • Pedro Mascorro – Foolhouse 6/1


  • Teams that bow their heads, don’t say goodbye, and disappear into the sunset after an untimely defeat in this season’s playoffs: 3.5
  • Times I play Bell BIv Devoe’s “Poison” over the next two weeks: 4
  • Hot Shots awarded next week to Boccekawowwow for being our 1st ever Monday night forfeit: 8.5
  • Nipples shown on the big screen from Karl’s collection of wacky videos for rest of season: 19

American Bocce Co. Trivia

  1. Which current three teams in our Monday night league have been apart of every session of league play since our inaugural leagues in May ’14?
  2. How many combined ‘Deboccery’s and ‘Big Lebocces’ have we had over the span of all our leagues? (alternate spellings accepted)
  3. Which three players have the best regular season winning percentage since the inception of our website (hint: they’re all on the same team)?
  4. In our current database, are their more teams with ‘bocce’ in their name or more teams with ‘balls’ in their name (teams with both words get tallies for both sides)?
  5. Who has received the most amount of career hot shots? (hint: I have no idea but I’m curious to know who you think it is)


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